"Why me?" Syndrome - The Antidote

"Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

We've all said it, once, twice..everyday of our lives for some.

I found myself in a frantic situation on Sunday morning; due to my very vivid imagination and unpredictable paranoia I threw myself into an "I'm going to die, why me?" frenzy.

Needless to say, I did not die, and my hospital scare -  although serious, was not as life threatening as I had initially predicted.

The kind of thoughts I found hurdling through my mind whilst being changed into a backless smock in the emergency ward varied from mediocre to an entire mental physical breakdown. I could not vocalize most of it..I got out : "it's snowing.."

My first thought was - why? I buy food for homeless people, I'm a nice person, I've never intentionally hurt anyone, I'm kind to animals, good to my parents and brother, I stay fit, I don't spend excessively on myself.. I'm "good"...so why me?

Then I remembered the birds at home "Oh god, did I leave the heater on or off? Have I killed my birds?"

Quickly, whilst the doctor prodded at my leg - I went back to: why do I deserve this? I have put up with so much in life and gotten so little in return (OK, before everybody starts pointing fingers about how lucky I am  and how many great opportunities have come my way..nothing has ever just "happened" I have worked very hard to get to where I am, and am grateful for any help and guidance I have gotten a long the way: but this isn't about my "achievements"). So is this it? For everyone who has ever hurt me and I have only ever been kind in return? For the obstacles in life I have overcome, this is the end of the road? For the worries I endure everyday; there was never going to be that plain and simple "happiness" waiting for me, for all my patience - I waited for...?

Then the doctor interrupted my trail of thought and promptly confirmed that I wouldn't be dying any time soon - not from this anyway.

Took a second to breathe and thought "whoa....If those were my last thoughts, I'm a lot more selfish than I thought."

Then, you know - given that it's me: I thought about it some more.

Some people are religious and believe if you live life by a certain set of rules outlined in a book of your choosing you will die and be greatly rewarded.

Personally, I would like to make the most of my time in the land of the living, pulsating, heart throbbing mess that often is life. I'm quite sure there are more than a few like me; and we often fall back on something that gives us a little - hope - Karma. What goes around comes around.

It has been in my experience, that the kinder, nicer, more thoughtful, selfless and honest the person - the less they get in return. Yes, that's a very cynical way to look at it; and just being that person should be more than  enough to satisfy someone - but more often than not; it will always feel like something is missing or something has been withheld, taken, broken, hurt or betrayed.

And then the inevitable : "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

1) Is it true, does the nice guy always finish last in such a cut throat cycle?

2) Do we live in a world that no matter how hard we try not to, we always expect a reward for our behviour?

3) It's ok, Karma...things will get better.

All three are true. Yes, sometimes - being a push over isn't going to work; people see your kindness and take advantage of your for it, somehow, they always get ahead in life. But you're not them, keep reminding yourself. I remember an episode of Friends from my early years. The selfless good deed. There is no such thing as a selfless good deed. You do something good, something kind, something thoughtful and it makes you feel good, it makes you feel happy, vindicated (and there's nothing wrong with that) - so naturally, it feels like a monumental slap in the face when the same kind of treatment from the universe isn't thrown right back at you - why? Why not? It's like getting a dog to to sit, roll over and do tricks without the treat reward at the end. How Cruel.

Then there is the magic word, Karma. Everything will be okay. Hope. It may not be fact, it may not be proven but the word Karma by default embodies hope. Whether the word delivers it's "what goes around comes around" stigma is yet to be proven with all the masses. But I think the one thing we know is that would be the "right" way, the "good" way. So, a lot of us - who have been disappointed a few times or ten and have fallen into "why me?" syndrome whilst we watch others flourish; we put a small investment in those four little letters.

Then, I stopped thinking.

We waste minutes, hours, months, years of time wondering why things do or don't happen to or for us.

What we could have, would have or should have done to make things happen differently.

But here's the thing - there is no answer. It just is. We cannot control each other nor can we control circumstance. All we can do is do the absolute best we can and just keep going. No matter what horrific or unbearable situation you might find yourself in - be it emotional or physical. Our hearts will break and our bodies will suffer. But if we sit and dwell in the downward spiral of our zest, our personality our everything; the spiral will only spin faster and deeper into the dark.

So instead of asking why, what you did to deserve this? Remind yourself of why you shouldn't deserve it. Because I promise you the list will be the same. All you can do is look forward, take a deep breath and keep going... in whatever direction that might be - but I can guarantee, so long as you think that way; it definitely won't be going downwards.

Time Credit : Spending your Time in an Interest Baring Account.

Time. You either have it or you don't ; that's what they tell us. 

Perhaps this is the moment to observe time a little differently.

In the world of assets, the time you spend is the most valuable and most difficult to get back in return.

So how do you spend your time to retain the absolute best interest? Think of it like your bank account. You pick a bank, a plan and have a monthly spending cycle on the basis of your needs and wants. 

In the case of how you spend the time in your life - where are you in your financial documents? Are you saving? Are you investing? Are you wasting? Or are you just doing what you have to do?

Time and happiness - yes they do go hand in hand, but not in the way that you might think. The obvious observation would be "well, if you have more time, you'll be happier." Maybe, but more than likely not.

By nature, people like to fill their time (unless you are hideously lazy, in which case you're probably not reading this anyway) whether it is with social activity, hobbies, travel or work. So having "more time" is inconsequential; it just allows more time, to do more of the same. 

The key here is how and what you spend your time doing that leads to your happiness - which is in turn - your return, your collective interest.

Studies have shown that through both youth and maturity the highest levels of "happy" endorphins prior to death are found in those who are, in my words "time investors." Who are the time investors? 

Despite what the name might suggest, they are not the entrepreneurs, workaholics and the seemingly "rich" people of this world.  (by no means are they unsuccessful, and by no means do they not make money; you'll get it in a second). These are the people who spend their time primarily with other people, who they care about or inspire them. Be it friends or family. Discount marriage from this equation because that will come back later. The highest reward stance goes to those who spend quality time with those who they are close and compatible with; in both group social activities and in one on one intimacy. It may not be a lot of time, but, the majority of their free time is spent "investing" in those around them. Physical-emotional research has uncovered that these people have higher levels of energy, intellect, creativity and active mental health. A very good investment.

The "time savers". Those who do a little of everything. This is the rational and logical way to be. To spend your time evenly amongst a variety of activities (social, hobbies, travel, work). Balance.

Like money savers, they calculate when they can spend, and how much they can spend on any given activity. Although this on the surface of things, appears to be a great idea that can accommodate variety into your life - people with this mechanism often find their time well spent, but have fewer returns than those who dedicate more to just relationships. This is a less valuable way of spending your time - in the financial world, in living like this; your stocks are inconsistent; up one second, down the next. Whereas a time investor is continuously at the top of the game. An age old argument of quality Vs quantity. Treating all things with the same priority level leaves quality levels a lot lower than those who separate and differentiate. Savers  tend to be organized, achieving, ambitious, physically fit people - but often suffer from loneliness and a desire for depth. 

The next group of people see little to no interest, and the reason why is self explanatory. "Time wasters". These are people who do not see the value of time. If time were money in their bank account it would be squandered; and they would have no credit. They wait for the other time spenders to come to them. It's not rare, nor is it unusual. A lot of people fall into the trap of "waiting to see what happens" and in the process of waiting for life to come to them - it passes them by. Very rarely is a person who lives like this happy. More often than not, the waster realises that they are wasting when it is too late. Predictably they are usually those prone to resentment, depression and laziness as a result of life not being handed to them on a platter. Stocks are low.

Things get interesting in the next sub category. Those who "do what they have to do".

These people spend their time, for the majority - pleasing others and following guidelines they do not necessarily take pleasure in. This is often found within marriage. Unlike investors, these people find themselves forced into using their time with somebody. Rather than by choice. So is the case with work, as oppose to working in a field that may be preferable, they find themselves in a rut - and often over worked. Because of the commitment to just these two particular things, these are the cases where you hear "I have no time" most. This is spending a lot of time with absolutely no pleasurable return. It applies to the over worked and some (not all, obviously) of the married. It is when time becomes a chore rather than an asset.  It is when sleep becomes the most valued time of all - instead of experience. Emotional debt. Commonly, those who do what they have to do are usually wealthy but unhappy, exhausted and sometimes prone to illness. 

So perhaps it is time for all of us to re access what kind of spenders we are and what kind of returns we want. We do it with our finances. Our interest returns are our happiness. The higher the stocks are in happiness, the more satisfying our lives can be.

Time is priceless, our biggest asset and the greatest gift we can give to anyone. Spend it wisely.