Cultivating Cinematic Calm

Cultivating Cinematic Calm 

There is a quiet courage that comes with calmness. Calmness, unlike chaos, is a choice - not a reaction or ramification but a conscious decision for your nervous system, mind, energy and body. It takes immense courage to take control, and to have enough discipline to evoke an authentic calm.

Calm: A state of tranquility, serenity, or stillness, characterised by freedom from agitation, excitement or disturbance. 

Calm is the rejection of collective cultural conventions tied to urgency, priority and repercussion. Society chases calm; in meditation, in yoga classes, in self help books. Calm for most, seems like an unattainable alien concept completely at odds with our modern world and perhaps only exists in temples on the foothills of Tibet. 

Calm, however, isn't a performance or even a community. It isn't a class or a revelation from a well written book. It's a state of being achieved only by allowing social constructs to effectively become pebbles on the beach rather than an all encompassing omnibus of cortisol and dopamine spikes. 

The realities of life are difficult to ignore. Between the unrelenting pressures of work, career and finance,  the uncertainty of geo politics across the world, the desires, obligation and maintenance tied to relationships and family, the uncertainty of health and time - how can authentic calmness be achieved in an echo chamber of universal commitments and conflicts? 

Buddhism preaches Impermanence (Anicca) for calm. Understanding that all things change is designed to stop us fighting reality, which brings the human spirit a natural sense of peace. In simple terms, letting go of control and realising that many aspects of life are unpredictable and instead focusing on stillness. 

Contrastingly, Buddhism also teaches compassion, mindfulness and awareness for calm - which includes identifying when "this is stress" which creates a space between physicality and the emotion, reducing its impact whilst also refocusing on showing compassion to others. 

What I find most interesting about both of these teachings is that they simultaneously preach conscious calm, and the rejection of control and power. (Which is much easier said than done for the vast majority of people). Particularly poignantly, is the refocusing of mind to show compassion - effectively, creating a distraction with positive implications.  But, I would argue, to make a conscious decision to be a certain way - you must have an element of discipline, power and courage- not over circumstance, but of yourself.

Calmness doesn't only exude peace. Calmness offers benefits not immediately visible to the naked eye. Aside from a reduction in stress and anxiety, it improves cognitive function and decision making; having a domino effect on life trajectory as a whole (work, career, finance) . It enhances physical health, lowering blood pressure. Mentally, it boosts emotional regulation which feeds to strengthen relationships through better communication (relationships, family). Calmness increases resilience under pressure, creating a pathway to navigating crises efficiently rather than reactively (chaos management). 

So, really - and ironically - calmness is actually the answer to most of realities challenges.

So, how is it possible to calm a "monkey brain".  

We know the what, but how?

Outside of the usual, stereotypical zen gardens and steel tongue drums - what everyday, intentional tangible actions and decisions can be made to manifest a deep, cardinal, authentic inner calm?

Have you ever watched a film, or even something across social media that just evokes and exudes a "feeling" of calm? Something that instantly makes you feel light, at ease - thoughts settle, heart beats a little slower, nervous system starts to self regulate?

Or perhaps you're having a massage with softly infused nature sound music, and you drift into sensory emptiness....what do those things have in common?

Step 1: Nature

The easiest, and often most overlooked road to calm is right in front of us. Our earth offers us perspective and scale beyond all other manmade constructs. It diminishes and dilutes business, stress and self imposed tension. The sound of fresh running water from a stream or river, or ocean waves crashing against a coastline. The echoes of bird song and crickets. The smell of dew under a forest canopy, or burst of flower scent in a park. The feeling of salt and sand on your feet, the fresh drop of snow on your nose on a mountain top. The panorama of rolling hills and the drama of cliff edges. An orange sunset or pink sunrise creating a hypnotic feast for the eyes - or simply, watching the rain hit your windowsill.  Nature has a way of shrinking the scale of stress to nothing more than a pebble in a world capable of so much sensory calmness. 

Step 2: Compassion

I am of the firm belief that only you can be responsible for your own state of mind. However, few things in life are more rewarding than showing kindness and understanding in an environment so intensely geared toward elusiveness and self gain. Extending warmth to others isn't just calming for your mind, but a rewarding ripple effect from one person to another. This chain reaction doesn't just create calm and satisfaction within you, you then have a cascading flow of compassion from person to person - which just in its existence repairs and elevates the quality of human relationships and connection.

Compassion creates understanding,  understanding invites warmth, warmth invites calm. 

Step 3: Music 

It goes without saying that music is a healer of many things; and also a catalyst for others.

The right kind of music can transport you inside of yourself, disconnect you - ironically - from the noise of the world. Offering peaceful solitude, perspective and recalibration with just a few notes on a piano, flute or drums transporting serotonin when you need it most. Some music is designed to make you think, some is designed to make you feel, some to make you act - some, is designed to make you succumb to yourself, take a deep breath and start fresh. 

Step 4: Perspective

Big picture thinking. In moments of crisis, take a step back and assess how bad things really are - or do they just seem bad, right now. Is it worth being frantic? Do you really need to panic? Is it worth losing your temper? Is it worth the chaos you may be subconsciously building in your mind? Or is it simply something that you need to deal with right now and that's it. Can you control it? Do you need to control it? Perspective is a tool we all know exists but need to use more effectively. Think bigger, and the things that rob you of your peace everyday will probably become a lot smaller and easier to manage more effectively. 

Step 5: Passions

Find pleasure in your own self care and passions. Passion can be a wide range of things. It's something that ultimately gives you joy. Self care is designed to heal. Some people find it in exercise, some in travel, some in art. 

Or all of the above. Although the avenues can all be vastly different, they come to the same conclusion - a form of self care, self love, self exploration and self expression. When people are able to look after and express themselves in a healthy way without obstacles or judgement, calmness is a natural by product.

Step 6: Breathe

Take things a little slower. Take a moment to breathe, calm the urgency, feel the moments deeply and don't be afraid to simply be in that moment. Cancel the white noise and just breathe. Bring yourself back to the beginning. Close your eyes so that you can see, and when you open them - everything is clearer.

There is no one size fits all, but calmness can be captivating. We place so much importance on disarray, urgency, perceived priorities and disaster that we forget how rewarding embracing the calm can really be. It allows us to create healthier relationships with ourselves and the people around us. It helps us gain perspective and control over our work and day to day challenges, functioning as a nervous system reset so that our bodies and minds feel less overwhelmed. In an age where we are exhausted and overstimulated it has never been more important to embrace soft tranquility. 

Calmness is understanding that so much of life is out of our hands and concurrently that our own peace is entirely within our control.

Calmness is a discipline whose reward leads us to seeing life in a soft warm focus,  it's cinematic. 

 

 

Air

With my imminent 39th birthday 18 days away...

Gemini - The Twins 

Element: Air

A gemini woman is laughter in the rain, 

Dancing barefoot through joy and pain.

She was born like a wildflower swaying into light,

Where rivers keep secrets all through the night,

A gemini heart is a wandering breeze,

Speaking in birdsong and the language of trees.

She tangos with storms before the flames, 

Spinning through fields that remember her name,

Collecting the sunlight that slips through her hair, 

Leaving soft chaos in suspended air. 

One soul is the ocean, restless and blue, 

The other is the forest, still covered in dew, 

One longs for mountains and cold northern skies,

One burns like a sandy sunset that never quite dies.

She falls into pages the way rapids run,

Chasing old poets and theories for fun,

Collecting small fragments of people and places,

Storing whole galaxies deep in their faces. 

She'd rather be understood deeply than admired,

Though sometimes the two become intwined and turns to desire,

She hops like a grasshopper hard to restrain,

Then she kisses your mind again and again.

She chases deep talks through midnight skies,

With a restless body and bright wild eyes,

Yet when she chooses which soul to hold,

She burns warm, devoted and bold.

She asks too many questions at half past two,

About life and the stars and what makes people true,

A mind like wildfire tearing through trees,

Carving ideas the way oceans do seas.

She talks to the moon like an old trusted friend, 

 Starting stories with the sun that never end, 

Tracing her thoughts through the shape of the tide, 

Keeping whole universes lives hidden inside.

She reads people slowly like difficult prose, 

Searching for meanings they keep carefully close,

Finding mystery beneath what they say,

The hidden small wars that they keep tucked away.

A butterfly mind with cyclonic wings,

Drawn toward beautiful and dangerous things,

Laughing like waterfalls breaking through stone,

Yet somehow still frightened of the winds yet to be blown.

She'll love like the earth after lifetimes of pain,

Suddenly green and alive once again,

Then drift like the mist through distant terrane,

Impossible to fully capture, keep or sustain. 

And if you should find her asleep in the grass,

While clouds and constellations silently pass,

Speak softly, some spirits were never designed, 

To belong to the world for too long at a time. 

Through playful words and sweet surprise, 

In stolen glances and soft replies,

She shares in ways both fierce and free, 

A system of thought and light poetry. 

Don't be frightened by her strange winding mind,

Embrace the softness and beauty you might find, 

Hold her gently as hurricanes are hard to tame,

Especially one born under Gemini's name.

 

 

The Dance - Poetry

The Dance

I move like water calm before the wake,

Like rivers that tremble before they break. 

The music pours smoke through my bones and spine, 

Turning flesh and breath into borrowed wine.

Desire lives deep in the arch of my back, 

In the dangerous spaces self control lacks.

I dance in storms before they arrive, 

Heavy with thunder, electric and alive. 

I move like a wildfire learning restraint, 

Like colour escaping the edge of paint. 

I spin like planets pushed higher and higher,

Orbiting rhythm, gravity and fire. 

The floor hums softly beneath my feet, 

Like earth itself has discovered a heartbeat. 

Each motion unravels yet another disguise,

A language and pulse with no need for eyes. 

The music enters me low and deep,

Waking the parts of myself that refuse to sleep.

And when I spin the the whole world seemed to pause,

Caught somewhere between performance and applause. 

My hips speak truths my mouth never would, 

Of hunger disguised as being understood.  

I move like the sea when the moon pulls too near,

Chaotic, consuming, ecstatic and severe. 

Because women were not made for stillness or sleep,

We were made to be felt - profound and deep. 

The Dance

 

Weeping Willow - Poetry

Weeping Willow

Weeping Willow

Beneath the weeping willows veil,

Where the wind blew and the swans set sail, 

I stood close and felt your breath,

Like something sweet that threatened death.

The day was warm, the air was slow,

The lake whispered soft below,

And every branch that swayed above, 

Seemed tangled in my thoughts and needed a shove.

Your eyes held mine without a word,

The loudest silence I have ever heard,

While fingertips brushed fleetingly,

A spark, a dare, at least for me. 

Wanting to pull you near,

To taste the things that we could not hear,

To let the willow hide our sin,

While my darting eyes explored your skin.

The silver leaves danced overhead, 

As wild thoughts circled in my head, 

So if there's ever such a place, 

Where longing can finally leave a trace,

Where the the leaves weep for something true,

Back to that willow, with you.

It bent as though it understood,

The hunger hidden beneath the good, 

A keeper of unfinished things,

Of stolen breaths and tangled wings.

The willow wept like it once knew,

What aching hearts are destined to do. 

 

Time

 

Time

Time: The continuous, irreversible progression of existence, moving from past, through present, to future.

Duration: The measured period during which an action or condition exists.

Dimension: A fourth dimension, combined with spatial dimensions, in the space-time continuum.

Measurement: A system for organising events in sequence.

Psychological: The subjective experience of time passing, which can speed up or slow down based on cognitive perception. 

Many years ago I wrote a piece entitled "Time Credit: Spending time in an interest bearing account".

I simplified the concept of time into categories of different types of 'spenders' and what it meant about their individual psychology and priorities. Although theoretically practical, summarising time into such a basic concept was a disservice to the ultimacy and importance of time, the most valuable asset that we have. 

Philosophical speaker Alan Watts once argued that time is a social illusion, emphasising that only the present moment exists, and continued to famously state that we live in a culture "hypnotised by the illusion of time, missing reality by focusing entirely on memory or expectation." Watts pushed a narrative that urged living in the "eternal present" rather than wasting energy on the future. 

This concept is eutopic but flawed. On the one hand Watts preaches and perpetuates that a real, creative life only really happens when you stop rushing and worrying and move with the eternal present, but on the other hand Watts states that we are never actually experiencing anything other than the present and that time is a social institution used for measurement, not a physical reality. 

I have always been fascinated with time - it's speed, its finality, it's biological prowess and most of all, its functional mystery. There is nothing more powerful than the concept and enigma of time (illusion or not). People fear it, devour it, waste it but more often than not, never question it. Societal pressures, expectations and perceived milestones outweigh the value of time to a checklist of "expected achievements before we die," which leads me to my next reference from theologian William Penn 

"Time is what we want most but we use worst."

Seems obvious, doesn't it? Let's take a step back to societal pressures and expectations. 

• Birth
• Education
• Career
• Mortgage
• Marriage 
• Children
• Retirement
• Maybe grandchildren
• Death

In this case, time is deeply misconstrued as societal conformism. 

Reflecting on Penns quote, he refers to choices rather than time itself. The current global statistic of diagnosed recorded depression is sitting at an estimated  at 5.7% of adults. When including entire populations, one in 21 people experience high levels of emotional distress, with depression being especially prominent in 18-40 year olds. Studies from The University of Melbourne state that the impact of expectations and cultural societal pressure are largely to blame. So, I can safely assume that the "check list" and its requirements may be a contributing factor in how time is poorly used, at least for some people. 

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself" is a quote famously penned by artist Andy Warhol. 

It seems like a very elementary point of view, but, is it?

What if time was spent singularly living based off of instinct, want and need rather than adhering to a script based on the assumption that life is a one-size fits all pressure cooker of achievements. What if time was experiential rather than didactic? To quote my birthday twin JFK "conformity is the jailer or freedom and the enemy of growth."  and one of my favourite authors JRR Tolkien "not all who wander are lost".

Could it be that the answer to modern day sufferance and time 'wasting' is simply to welcome a free society that cherishes nonconformity as opposed to uniformity? Encouraging people to live on their own terms, in the present that could be pleasurable and meaningful, as opposed to under sufferance for perceived reward? Remove the benchmarks and everything changes. 

Time: the past, present and future. A tool to learn, live and evolve - to change. A ticking clock that could run out of battery at any moment. But, how do we make that clock kinetic - how do we stop time?

No, we're not going to fall into a black hole. 

Between luck, fate and biology, we can only manipulate time to a certain degree, but, we can still manipulate it to work on our terms. 

The advantage of having a past, reflecting on memories and referencing different periods of our world is that we give ourselves the ability to fully embody the present in peelable layers in order to anticipate a future that is a direct result of the way that we choose to spend our "now."

A good reference point is in Buddhism, time is not an absolute, linear or external reality, but a relative mental construct dependent on causes, conditions and perception.  Meaning that past, present and future are all combined to create an active, present moment as opposed to linguistic differences of before and after. 

In simple terms, the past is now, the present is now, and the future is now. Slightly differing from the Watts mentality that time is wasted focusing on the past or future - in this case, all elements are equally as valuable; and whilst placing equal value on all of these moments, we are effectively deconstructing the illusion of time by not defining what qualifies as "right now."

Therefore time doesn't move forward or backwards - it stands still. And if you really think about it, this theory is the most malleable to life as we know it. As humans, we are nostalgic for the past, we take the present for granted and we are either excited or fearful of the future. What if we changed that though? What if we looked at all three as though they were today: 

• So we can feel the joy and pain of yesterday.
• So that we can be present today and not dreaming of tomorrow.
• So that we can see ahead whilst simultaneously living in the now.

They all feed off of each other; blurring lines of differentiation. This is how we live a full human experience without feeling time, embracing change.

Now the boring part: 

Time goes hand in hand with biology, as much as we try to run from it - we do age, it's unescapable. But how do we slow down the wrath that time takes on our bodies? This is probably the easiest to execute and will work directly in correlation with the mental health required to reassess life and time as a whole.

We bounce back to nonconformism. It is possible to metaphorically age backwards. It means embracing a lifestyle that may not be the  most common or understood. 

• Stop poisoning our bodies. It sounds dramatic, but alcohol is poison, cigarettes are poison, vapes are poison, drugs (legal or not) are also poison. The kindest thing we can do is support our engines, because once it starts having problems it's very hard to move backwards. Living in a world where poor lifestyle habits are normalised isn't only putting a timer on our biological clocks, but also stopping us from experiencing life in a real, fully immersive way. 
• Exercise. In a day and age that encourages being sedentary, be it at a seated office job, or the distractions of never ending screen time entertainment -  we need to be the exceptions. Move - nothing revives youth more than movement. Walk, run, weight train, dance, stretch, swim. Idle bodies are times workshop, nothing makes a human feel and succumb to the loss of time more than seeing it on themselves.
• Food. We wouldn't put dirty fuel in a premium car, would we? If we did, we would be knowingly shortening the life cycle of the car, so why would we do that to our bodies? 
• Sleep. this one seems counter productive. But, time spent tired, or sleep deprived everyday isn't time worth having at all. There is a difference between quality over quantity. Our bodies need to recharge. 
• Laughter. Laugher is a powerful anti aging mechanism that is proven to lower stress and inflammation, improve heart health, boost the immune system, act as a natural pain reliever, and engage cognitive function. A 15 year study has found that individuals with a strong sense of humour had a lower risk of death and disability (in a study of 14,000 older adults). It is also a great way to deal with the challenges that come with life. 

"Our bodies are our gardens, our wills are our gardeners" - William Shakespeare.

In closing, time is what we make it. It is our most precious, non-renewable resource, urging us to cherish life and live intentionally on our own terms and nobody else's rules. Time is the only currency we spend without ever knowing how much balance we have left, we must use it wisely. 

Live fully and cultivate leading with our hearts, minds and bodies, that way we will never be lost in the labyrinth milky-way of time - it may even stand still at just the right moment; even if it's just for a little while. 

   

A Key to the Chaos of Contemporary Communication

 A Key to the Chaos of Contemporary Communication.

Distractions. 

We live in the age of distraction and attention span deficit.

The consumer market of online entertainment has been fine tuned to quick, concise and over in mili-seconds "content" . Arguably, adult generations have devolved in our ability to focus on one quality interaction to a gateway of meaningless relationship hindering distractions. Instead of chapters of books, we shifted to meme's of quotes or info-vids summarising thousands of words in under a minute. Instead of hours of films we have endless streams of videos, tik toks, snap chats, reels - all short, sweet, and sometimes lacking any real quality and depth - just space fillers, floating through the ether. 

Instead of long, uninterrupted meaningful time and conversations with each other; we have mastered the undesirable art of being together whilst needing time-outs with our phones, televisions and computers in order to fulfil our need for quantity over quality. These were all once characteristics of young children - characteristics that more often than not, people grew out of -  things have changed; and quickly. We have lost the art of meaningful focus and communication.

We have lost the art of courtship and spontaneous interaction in favour of swiping left and right. We have lost the ability to engage deeply, to touch intentionally, to have a rally of conversation, maintain eye contact and be void of superficial distractions. 

There is a a distinct irony in me typing about this on a 14 year old blog, on the internet, I know. I justify this with my deliberate disconnection from social media otherwise, in an attempt to regain control of focus and substance that can be found in a solitary blog with no readers, functioning as somewhere between a journal entry and a philosophical study. 

My focus going forward with these blog entries, is what it has always been - to make you think (if you're reading). Ask questions, find yourself, decide who you want to be, why you want to be that way and ask yourself if today's societal shifts are really something that you need to or want to be part of.

The only natural way to shift from what has become expected into something entirely tailored to you on a human level is to first understand how all of these acts are a hindrance to your over all quality of life. We only live once, and right now as it stands, as a humanity we are wasting away behind screen, behind metaphorical masks of trend and expectation rather than seizing moments and reaching for meaningful adventure and connection. Our lives are not about cross-comparison or sharing every moment - they are supposed to be experiential. Be present, be the exception, you won't regret it. 

Rebel. Rebel against what is expected of you. A rebellion doesn't need to be announced, loud or witnessed. It is felt, it is felt when you talk to a stranger in a cafe or on the street. It is felt when you travel without advertising it to your followers on instagram or facebook, when you watch a concert with your eyes instead of through the camera lens of your phone, when you engage in long, meaningful conversations with your loved ones, friends or family without referencing social media or reaching for your phone. Read a book because you want to get lost in your imagination for as long as it takes to finish, build the chapters in your own mind, or perhaps because you want to learn from words rather than an algorithm. When you hold eye contact that little bit longer than you should, when you climb a mountain for yourself and not for the glorification. When you tell people how you feel without reminding yourself about what society expects of you. 

The quality of your communication and relationships serve as a domino effect to living life in a way that isn't centred around exhibitionism, comparison, or competition, but rather, a real desire to love living, to continue learn, and to experience moments that all become catalysts to conversation, attraction and experiential knowledge that make you a whole being capable of focus and chemistry. 

Rebel. 

 

Be more you

Muchness

Looking back on 2025 now fast approaching mid 2026, it was a year less about self reflection and adjustment and more about rediscovery. There are so many existing stereotypes in life that work to convince us, women more rigidly, that we must "change" with time. Though I certainly don't argue that change of the positive and transformative kind is part of healthy human growth, I have drawn a very firm and deep line in the sand on where that stops and losing the characteristics that make a person uniquely who they are begins. 

Muchness. As the Lewis Caroll tale of Alice in Wonderland once engraved in time "You're not the same as you were before. You were much more..muchier.. You've lost your muchness" . I understand that some might not think basing my life  on a quote from a children's novel (though I have always believed that it is more than that) is the most intelligent, intellectual or even practical choice - but,  I believe there is a lot of merit to the underlying message which can and will ultimately pivot a person from being unhappy or simply satisfied, to existing in their experiential and happiest potential. 

In my own experience, having turned 38 years old last May - I realise that much of the last decade has been dictated by outside circumstances; whether it be 'societal norms" or people who are trapped in an echo chamber of their own making. What I mean by this is that slowly and surely, depending on your location, age, gender and career path - your personality can completely shift from who and what you are at base level to something completely unrecognisable that blends into it's surroundings. 

I would be lying if I didn't own up to my own Peter Pan Syndrome. But, that leads to the question- why is that a negative thing? Why is the desire to remain externally excited about life in the way you are during your youth something to be frowned upon? What is wrong with being excited by the same things you were as a child or young adult? Aging is a physical act, and shouldn't be automatically transmitted to personality, passion and soul.

So, the question is - how do we revisit who we really are and let go of the person our surroundings has manufactured? Is it possible? Watch this space..